Also so many people were throwing out words like “lady” and talking about being a hoe as seperate from being a lady and my skin was itching because I’m almost offended by Lady as a term. Its like the n-word with a hard R coming from anyone.
Save your gender roles, expectations and old victorian age ideas about respectability.
No. No. No. This article was stupid. I don’t believe in all this “letting a man be a man and a woman be a woman” argument. What does that even mean? What does being a woman actually mean? I’m supposed to stand around and look vulnerable and needy hoping someone will notice and wisk me off in a horse and carriage? If I WANT something I’m going to get it. She says there’s too much uncertainty approaching a man and then always wondering if he only wants to smash…how’s that different from him approaching you and…always wondering if he only wants to smash? Why aren’t you making your intentions clear when you go forward in your approach? If you’re going to be bold and go for it, why aren’t you also being bold enough to say “aye I’m looking for a relationship later not just sex”, and if he leaves then you know what he was there for.
When you sit on your ass and let good people pass through your life because you think its “their job” to approach you, you’ll be complaining later about why there’s no good people in your life.
But the rest of this list, not barbequing? Wtf? Shut Up!
This times a hundred thousand trillion. Any time a man thinks that he can give advice to women or comment of something we do, what he likes and doesn’t.. it’s inherently sexist. This idea that you have all the answers, or that women need to conform to this or that to suit your fancy…
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my future and I am undecided whether marriage should be apart of it or not. Don’t get me wrong I love companionship..but I don’t love the expectations men have for their wives.
I was very thrown when a male said why can’t I cook if my husband’s worked all day then has to get up and go to work in the morning. Um. I’m in my third year of college…I very much do not anticipate being a HOUSEWIFE. I didn’t pay all this money to sit on my ass and cook and clean and take care of children. No. I’m gonna come home from work and if you sir are there first you might wanna start cooking, because if I’m tired guess what. IM GOING TO SLEEP. Oh you wanna have sex? WELL I’m sleepy but the lotions on the dresser. *turns over*
Lets not even talk about the young man I was “talking to” who told me that once you’re married if a man wants to have sex the wife is basically obligated to fulfill his sexual satisfaction. Like it’s a nonnegotiable term in the marriage. I learned about that in class. It’s called Pressurized Sex. All consensual sex isn’t consensual sex. If you’re doing it because you’re like “aw man he’s gonna be mad if i don’t….” AND he didn’t believe that marital rape was real. I guess because in a marriage a man just OWNS your body so HAVE AT IT. What. No.
But I semi-digress. I’m not anti-gender roles just because I consider myself a feminist. I’m anti-gender roles because it’s BULLSHYT. I will gladly paint the house, mow the lawn, take the garbage out and fix some ish as long as I KNOW what I’m doing (google is good for this, books for dummies…youtube). I don’t need a man to think I need him to labor in exchange for my cooking and cleaning services. I know you cleaned when you were younger! You don’t forget how to clean! I’ll be damned if I have to do it all alone.
My friend made a good point in saying that so many black men have these 50s expectations of their wives when they grew up in households that were single-parented. Like where did you pick these ideas up from? MAD MEN? You don’t even know what a marriage looks like! You just made some shyt up you didn’t model it off of ANYTHING!
I also kind of think marriage is just a socially constructed..idea…well more so the church. There is nothing different about marriage and long-term relationships other than $$$$$. I just want love. I don’t need to be married for me and my significant other to know we love each other. But that’s sinful…if he moved in and we weren’t married. Enter THE CHURCH. Eliminate that sin! TIE THE KNOT!
My plan for my late 20s to 30s is that I will be a school counselor..probably living in a nice condo. I’ll come home from work, sip a vodka and cranberry, watch a little netflix and head to bed unless I want to call up some male companionship. That’s my bacholerette plan.
Get in where you fit in good sir.