P.S Sincerely, Adventure

Posts tagged personal

I hate how elitist people with college education can be. If a rapper or someone shares an idea that doesn’t go as “deep” as we feel it should we critize and call them dumb and order them to read books. 

When I was in high school, I didn’t learn not a damn thing about anything Black or anything related to concepts/tenets/ideas that make up feminism. And since I didn’t know about that information I didn’t know to go looking for it. So when we demand that people need to “read books” because the music or content they consume is too “shallow” we’re ignoring issues of access and public school systems that aren’t keen on teaching this information. 

Instead of being so critical and unhelpful we, as those with backgrounds in said subject matter, need to take those “shallow” ideas someone has been exposed to and deepen them! Don’t be a lazy dickhead who just wants know “everything” but doesn’t want to share knowledge. Knowledge is for you but it’s also to create a better world or understanding for others. 

In all situations now whether it be an interpersonal conflict or something I see that’s problematic and making me angry I say to myself: What purpose does my anger serve me right now? 

Generally the answer is none or to cause stress. So then I try to do something I enjoy to remove the negative stimulus from my mind like watch netflix…and revisit it when I’m less calm. 

This is probably going to be the only way I can get through life because once I graduate and I’m not longer around mostly people who arec conscious of the things they say and don’t say offensive things, I can’t live being angry all the time.

In my WGS classes I’m the first to point out that in order to affect change you do not have to do direct like hands-on service.

Let me explain.

Some people will try to tell you that you are the wrong kind of Feminist, Social Justice advocate, Black person etc. if you’re not giving back to your community in some way. While I do feel that it’s important to give back, not everyone can do this. I believe there is privilege in being able to attend a march, rally, sit-in etc. For instance, if you attend a rally or march that gets out of hand how with the police respond to you as a person of color? Are these areas, organizations wherever you’re volunteering accessible for the differently abled? What if that’s not your personality (i.e introverted, shy, anxious)?

Today we talked about the CPS school closings etc etc etc. Obviously there are a trillion reasons why schools and students in Chicago are not reaching their full potential. There are issues surrounding allocation of resources, the teachers may be burn-out, you might have teacher’s coming and going frequently who may not be as passionate (read: teach for america), there is the issue of parent’s involvement, there are student’s economic barriers (students who do not have clothes for school may not want to go or may be subjected to bullying), what about how Blacks are supposed to view education (I remember being called an Oreo for loving school) and trying to avoid that torment. There’s the school to prison pipeline with Black students being suspended much more frequently than White students for similar offenses, the Prison Industrial Complex sweeping up parents and students alike,hunger (can’t concentrate if you’re hungry right? Might be sluggish and tired as a result of poor nutrition), and what about the preconceived notions held by educators about students of color being lazy, unteachable, unreachable?

This list is not exhaustive. But when you think about ALL those factors impacting the lives of people of color, specifically looking at Chicago, there are SO many areas from which to work from. First, I am a huge proponent of internet activism if you have access, and just talking and dialoguing about these issues because a lot of people don’t know about them! If you just have someone who’s like “black students ain’t shyt that’s why their schools suck” and you drop knowledge on them, that can enrage them and stir them to action. Also, you can’t just start talking at people about “fixing” and “helping” without them having background information! That’s privilegy on your part.

Then if you have timmmeee you can intern or volunteer with say an organization which provides healthy food options at affordable rates in predominately minority neighborhoods. That helps CPS students/families eat and be healthy. If you have the ability to buy from Black owned businesses: do that, because that goes to a family who’s student is probably in CPS. Educate someone you know about transformative justice who can in turn tell someone they know. And if you like hands-on go tutor! Mentor!

I just don’t want anyone to be alienated or feel that they’re not the right kind of this or that because someone is dictating what it is they feel you should be doing. Do what you are able to and comfortable with doing even if that’s sitting on twitter forcing your tweets upon your unsuspecting timeline.

You’re already awesome!

Today is just a really annoying day to me because there’s some people basically saying you’re doing it wrong as an ally if you support marriage equality and those same people telling other LGBTQ people that they’re working for the wrong cause and like damn if a LGBTQ identified person wants to be able to get married can you just let them cook without trying to tell them why they shouldn’t want marriage because its an institution blah blah blah and how allies are wrong for standing with people they know who want marriage equality because they want the basic right that heterosexuals have.

This is just why I get frustrated with liberals and am over school and my studies and life in general. No one is ever willing to acknowledge small steps in the right direction be they small steps.

There’s always something problematic still. Always something wrong. You can’t tell people they’re wrong for wanting what they want, because then you’ll be mad if someone slut-shames because they want sex. You not telling them they’re wrong. 

I’m just gonna keep watching drama tv and not deal with the real world. 

• My Friend: There was a 25 ft sink hole in Baltimore its coming!!!!!!!
• Me: Whaaaatttt!!!!!! Wtf is this concept? Like the earth can just open up and swallow you. Where you even fall to? Hell?
• My friend: Yes it's in the Bible too!
• Me: Stop you're just saying this because you know I never read the bible lol
• My friend: In Numbers it talks about danath and another nigga who get swallowed up by the earth!
• Me: G how much sin are you doing that the earth eats you?
• My friend: I can't even remember what they did bu bet it wasn't that bad god be getting mad as hell doe
• Me: Lowkey God petty..
• My friend: ooohh you can't say that you next!

I love when Black people take up space. 

I love when we’re all gathered and being loud and boisterous and making White people uncomfortable. I love when we’re being “too black”!! I go to a PWI so it’s always like “oh what is that large group of black people doing down there!”

I feel like it makes people SEE us. White people love to claim that they’re colorblind but when Black people are being loud and gathered in large numbers…you immediately take notice…because we’re Black! Because you SEE us….for being of color!

And I feel like Whiteness is supposed to be passive, dainty, kind etc…and I love when Blackness is BOLD, LOUD, and ABRASIVE. 

I just love that being Black takes up space with our bodies and voices. That’s why I hate when people say “oh you’re loud” like why can’t I be loud? Because it’ll attract attention to me being Black? Because I’m going to keep being Black whether or not I stay silent so I choose to be heard. 

I like to think I’m a real nigha without actually being a rude ass nigha as well. 

People are so quick to be like ‘im real’ ‘i say what I feel’ well that’s cool that you are a willing participant in being a dickhead 101. 

There’s just a difference between having tact and ‘being real’.

desirethemoon:

jayydeeex:

I’ve never been the type of person to start out attracted to someone sexually, looks have always been backseat to the mind with me. No one I’ve dated I was just like I want to fuck them..and not attracted to their mind. Something pretty is only good to look at and touch, I need conversation too.

People think I’m lyin when I say looks don’t matter.

I feel like we live in a world that puts so much emphasis on looks because we’re all supposed to want a “tall, dark, and handsome man” which is 1. heteronormative and 2. interested because like when they say dark they mean brooding and stoic rather than dark-skinned but that ventures off my point…

I have never dated the men that I say “DAMN HE SO DAMN FINE” about. I always date the men who like I take an interest in because they’re kind or sweet and I’m like “he’s actually kind of good-looking I never noticed before”. And maybe it’s not a traditional type of handsome but dammit I like it! And telling me someone I use to talk to was “ugly” does not phase me because I’m just gonna be like alright your opinion. I don’t actually think I want my friends to be like ‘yo nigga was fine’. 

All of this is to say that I feel embarrassed saying looks aren’t the first thing on my mind when finding a significant other. And sexual attraction comes waaaayyy later.  

(via soulsticesetting)

I hate that society discourages men from sharing their stress, worries, pain, love, and dreams. It’s so unhealthy and mentally/physically exhausting. 

Like they don’t have to tweet all their feelings. But evening sharing with a significant other is difficult for many men. 

And I unload everything on my significant other. It’s freeing, it helps me think as I talk it out, bounce ideas off one another. There’s always the option of journaling…but I fear men will see that as too feminine

Sigh. 

Honestly I love being a Women and Gender Studies major but after 4 years I’m tired and I’m burnt out. I’m done with those major courses after this quarter and I’ll have to finish my Psychology major courses and prereqs I left behind. 

I think it’ll be weird not to have at least one WGS class next quarter and it’ll be annoying to be in prereqs and psych classes with people who haven’t crafted a feminist identity and ignore issues of race,class,gender, sexuality & privilege

But I’m also excited to not have such heavy issues forced on me everyday and night and I can take in information surrounding the topics on my own accord. 

So I live in Chicago. If there’s one thing you know about Chicago besides that President Obama is from here, it’s that we have a super high homicide rate as the result of gun violence. This is terrible. It’s to the point where people are desensitized to it. When there was the Colorado theater shooting and Sandy Hook shooting people were just like “well people die everyday in Chicago” as if this is normal or formal procedure. 

But most recently a young 15 year old girl named Hadiya was gunned down while she stood with a group under shelter from the rain. Undoubtedly, this is tragic. She attended King College Prep, and had just performed in the inaugural parade a week ago because she was a majorette. 

News sources everywhere have gone WILD about this shooting. I’m not sure what it is about this shooting in particular, but even CNN has picked up this story. It irritates me to NO END, how news sources pick and choose which black bodies were valuable. My school newspaper has a story about her death. And I’m trying to figure out………if this paper comes out every Monday….where are the rest of the names of people who die throughout the week? 

Honestly, it’s one of the first instances I’ve seen a black person who has died actually be painted in a positive light, rather than dredge up past offenses and basically justify the murder. A part of me believes that because Hadiya was a woman rather than a black male, this was more of a loss? 

I’m just trying to work through how the media has taken this and made it somewhat of the headliner for homicides/gun violence in Chicago. As if the only thing that should spur people to action is the death of someone ”innocent”. And while she was indeed innocent so to speak, meaning she had no gang affiliation, what does that say about others? Are other gang members lives less valuable? 

I know many echo the sentiment that when you become involved in this lifestyle you should expect what comes along with it, but in an interview with Diane Sawyer, a young gang member said “do you think I want to be out here destroying my community? Give me opportunities”. 

Okay going to use this space to free write about my research project so my ideas can like…mesh. 

So my project is looking at gender performances in reality television. Specifically how black masculinities and femininites are performed in Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. How do these performances move into the real world? How are they validated or reinforced? 

How do these performances contribute to homophobia in the black community? How do they contribute to violence in the black community? Looking at black youth violence and gang activity from a sociological standpoint, we know that there is typically increased violence in neighborhoods that are low-income, with consequently underperforming schools, and few employment opportunities. We talk about fixing these issues in poverty-stricken neighborhoods but what about the notion of what it means to be a black man? 

Why so often are black men driven towards rap careers and basketball playing (bell hooks actually talks about this in We Real Cool)? How does the notion of what it means to be a black man effect black women? 

How are these aspects of ‘masculinity’ ascribed to black women? What about when black ‘femininity’ is ascribed to men? What does that even look like? 

My plan here was to just write the research paper after I conducted a content analysis of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. But already such important critiques of black masculinity and femininity have been written but they’re not accessible outside of academia. So I think I’m going to take this time to construct the media literacy curriculum component of my youth development model and present the information that way. 

But I do not fuck with my ex. At all. Like NONE. Like on some Chuck and Bart Bass shyt if you’re hanging off the side of a building I’m going to stare at you until you realize you might as well let go. 

You don’t get to hurt me the way you did and parade around my newsfeed and timeline. Blocked. Blacklisted. I do not like you. I might actually most surely hate you. 

Please disappear. 

K? 

The struggle to negotiate a feminist identity with appreciation of porn and rap music.