Good Evening Fellas hope you all had a remarkably productive day,
I’m writing to you wonderful gentleman today to finally show you the attention you’re certain we’re always giving you. I know you all tend to believe when I leave my house in the morning I’m concerned about impressing you (I may secretly whisper to myself whether ____ *insert cute boy from class name* will notice my hair is different), but the fact of the matter is….we don’t.
Nothing we do is for you. It might have been in 6th grade, but as I have turned 21 it has, admittedly fallen out of my daily routine. Caring in general has fallen out my routine but I try to incorporate it here and there…but I digress.
We just don’t do anything for you. Its important that you all realize this because it’s this very thought, the very essence of this belief that our actions and dress are for you, that contributes to frequent street harassment and sexual violence (as you all feel a sense of entitlement since…you know…we’re dressed for you). So if you all can just push this little myth from your minds that would be absolutely wonderful, then you wouldn’t feel the need to comment on what I’m wearing, no matter how short or long my skirt is (as I have actually been berated for having TOO many clothes on, I guess that problematic for you fellas).
Um, also this idea you have about women being hoes..I just would like you to pull out your little black book and count how many women you’ve had sexual relations with. Is that number equal? Is it more? We actually would appreciate an end to the double standards, so if you could just not worry about us and what number of sexual partners we cap out at that would be fantastic.
Also we’d like to go on dates still. A date doesn’t involve sitting on my couch watching netflix with me. Dates shouldn’t begin and end at my apartment. I just want you to try a little harder. If not for me, for yourself.
Lastly, please do not hit me up just because you’re in town if you never hit me up when you’re away. This is rude and slightly disrespectful as I assume you only want to speak to me to satisfy some need you’re currently experiencing. Spare me.
I can’t with these men anymore. I just can’t. I’ve never spent a whole day FROM THE MOMENT THE SUN WENT DOWN being sexually harassed before and it left me very upset (in a fearful type of way) but now I’m just angry! And like granted, I’m a black woman, large breasts, wide hips, large butt, weaved up and weaved out (btw this type of harassment doesn’t occur when I’m wearing my natural hair BUT ITS COOL that’s a whole different topic)
It began at the liquor store. All the cashier had to do was take my ID and my debit card. But instead he wants to joke about how I look 16 (which is not flattering I prefer NOT to look like an adolescent) and continuously brush my fingers when he’s taking and giving my cards back. I’ve never felt that violated. Unwanted touching does not normally happen to me.
Then after the party I attended I get on the Blue Line (luckily it was me and a friend or I’m positive I would’ve been kidnapped not even kidding here), these men are mad because we have our coats zipped/buttoned up. They don’t talk directly TO us mind you, just to each other, loudly, ABOUT us. “They had it all out earlier now they want to be zipped up, probably got their outfits from rainbow for 50 cent, they looking mean…” blah blah blah on and on. They were just an addition to the old men who were gawking at us when we first got on.
Then we transfer to the red line. Man walks behind me “mm look at that there” grossly disgusting. My friend gets off and this man tries to make conversation with me and sell me a phone memory card, i decline kindly, he says something slick and semi creepy. I get off at my stop and these two guys nearly BOX ME IN as I try to get to my cab. “where you going” um home.. they keep moving blocking my way to my cab. I was just so done.
I do not understand your motives men. Touching inappropriately and objectifying women in public will not unlock my heart or make me unbutton my pants. You are scary and you wonder why us women are never smiling. I hear that so much “why you not smiling, you too pretty not to smile” WELL I’m not smiling because you’re talking to me and I believe that if I look mean as hell you or anyone else will decide not to speak to me. I do not like strangers. You are strange. And you are creepy and you are treating me like a piece of meat. I don’t wanna hear “well what were you wearing, oh stop being so pretty” NAW men need to stop thinking they have a right to my body.
And if you wanted to reverse the situation, turn the tables if you will, the double standard gets in the way because then you’ll be seen as “going” or “easy”. I can’t be out here telling men they’re fine and asking THEM what that mouth do. Because then I’m a hoe.
Conclusively, you men don’t know how uncomfortable you make us when you catcall from cars, or make u-turns in your cars, stop your car in the middle of the street, talk to your friends loudly ABOUT us, stare at us, touch us when we don’t want to be touched, make comments like “hey sexy, you fine”, be old and creepy and another laundry list of creeptastic shit you do. Stop.
But What’s a girl to do? BECAUSE YALL DON’T HEAR ME. OH LET ME TELL YOU. I bought mace, with Pepper Spray and Tear Gas in it, I want a stun gun and I already carry a knife. Please do not try me. PSA to the men of the world: take Drake’s advice. DONT DO IT. PLEASE DONT DO IT.
——Sincerely, A Curvaceous Black Woman Who Does Not Wish to Be Harassed